Do you really care.

Depressed after my practical test, i managed to laugh it off. The long ride on the bus triggered my thoughts back, and i was.. once again, an upset bear.

I want to jot my feelings down so badly, but was held back at the thought of being judged. If making fun of others sounds like a bitch to you, how about those people who backstabbed their so-called "friends". Lifes been unfair to me. ):

Does it mean if ive been a bitch for the past 20 years, i should be deemed a bitch forever? In that case, then why should the government put in so much effort, trying to give a second chance to those that made mistake before. Nobody is perfect, everyone makes a lil mistake. Sadly, nobody really bothers if you've changed for the better. The stereotype remains.

At times it sets me wondering if ive done enough for my "friends". Yes true, ive got no extra wealth to waste/treat my "friends", but do you even think money is enough to buy friendship. How about the years we spend together, the days we quarrelled, and the amount of things we've been through together. Can it even be measured &compared with our friendship. It seems like money weigh so much more then us. Now do you mean only if im able to treat you, drive you around (if i own a car), buy you presents, give you all my attention then i'll be your best friend. It thought it shouldnt be that way. ):

When i get the best deal/job offers, i always share it. When whoever feels depressed/suicidal, i'll be there to comfort. When i get to know my "friends" has silly thoughts (need a tattoo, smoke/drink), i'll prolly be the first to nag and disagree. But why do i find all the door closed and shut tightly when i needed help. Nobody bothered to even reply. Not even "friends". It was.. such a disappointment. It dawn on me, i am not at all treasured.

Im not exactly trying to express how noble i am, but im just sadden by the treatment of whom i called friends. I do do reflections. I thought maybe they felt neglected as well, or maybe i had not given them as much help either. Or maybe its just the money matter. I really dont know. ):